I read a quote while I was out this morning [May 12,2010]. It said; ‘Never take life seriously, no one ever gets out alive anyway.’ This really bugged me. I started thinking don’t they know Jesus? They have never experienced ‘true life’ if they believe this. My mind would not let me rest, or eat breakfast, until I thought this through, or wrote it through anyway. So here goes.
I once believed much like the person who created today’s topic. So I lived entirely for and in the moment. I followed the high in drugs to manage the day and get things done. Then looked for the low in other drugs and alcohol in order to find sleep – never true rest, just sleep so that today would end and perhaps tomorrow would be better; but it never was … at least not until I had hit absolute bottom and the only direction there was was up. And that pit was very deep and very, very dark!
My bottom was in a cell with 20+ other women in the Butte County Jail in 1984. I had made my first real decision in my adult life in the moment that I chose to be there. Yes I said chose, for I did indeed choose to be incarcerated on an outstanding warrant I had known about for months. I know it seems pretty sad when jail time looks to be better than the home life, and I use that term very loosely, that I had. But it was the lesser of two evils at that particular moment in my life. But that discussion is for another day and another article. I had never taken my life, or my responsibilities, seriously – ever! But from the very first moment that I stepped into that cell I knew I had to start, right then and there. I knew if I didn’t that this was going to be just a pit stop for me on my way to eternity in hell and death. And that thought scared me more than the impending hearing and sentencing for my crimes against the state of California and the County of Butte. I was through hiding from life.
So I started looking for answers. Boy am I glad that I was raised in a Christian home and knew where they could be found. I looked for, and found, the ONLY Bible in the Women’s Detention Center of that jail. And I started reading it. I don’t know what I read, and it really doesn’t matter. I knew it was ALL God’s truth and I could believe EVERY word. What did matter was that I started to pray and really believe that God did hear my prayers and would answer them.
I didn’t pray to be released from my prison, I knew that I deserved to be there and so much worse. No my prayers were to find peace for my children for all that and all the pain I had caused them; and to find a real, true relationship with Jesus. I knew in my heart of hearts that without this real relationship I wouldn’t get out of this life, and possibly not this cell, alive. I knew I was on a collision course with death; not just physical death, but spiritual, eternal DEATH. And now I truly wanted to live.
So how do you find life when you have chased death and her companions for so long? You search for the source of life; you find Jesus. I knew from my youth that Jesus could be found in the pages of His Holy Word and in earnest prayer. So I sought Him in these places while I lived in the balance between life and death.
While I was in jail a ministry group from Honeyrock Christian Discipleship Ranch came in on Sunday evening and preformed a play in the gym. Both the men and the women were allowed to go at the same time into the gym to see what this group had to offer. For both groups to be allowed in the gym together was rare, but as this ministry group was well known to the jail staff, they knew all would be fine while the team was in charge. That Sunday afternoon in a darkened gym in the Butte County Jail I found Real Life. How, you ask? It was like this:
The ministry group presented a play about Sally and the effects the divorce of her parents had on her life from the age of three through to her adult life. It broke my heart, for there on that stage I saw the lives of my children and how my actions had shaped and formed them and their choices.
Now I was sobbing openly for the first time in many years, and not for myself! I was sobbing because Sally was my daughter, was my son. Their lives were exactly what this little girl on stage had lived and felt and believed about herself. And I was truly repentant for having caused my children to live the life that Sally had also lived there on the stage for all to see. God had shown me my nakedness for all the world to see but mostly for me to see. Looking back I know that there was between 100 and 150 men and women in that gym, but in that moment there was only Jesus and me. And I was on my knees with my face to the floor, but looking straight into the face of my God for the very first time of my life seeking to be forgiven for all that I had caused my children to experience in their short lives.
I don’t remember going back into the cell, but I do remember the ladies from the4e ministry team coming in and having Bible study with us there. They were not afraid to be in with women who were considered dangerous for they knew their safety was held secure in the arms of Jesus.
I don’t remember what was read from God’s Word that night, but I do remember giving my life to Jesus there in that cell with those beautiful ladies from Honeyrock. I also remember asking them what was a Honeyrock and how did one get to go there. One of those ladies, Vivian Myers, gave me their card with a phone number on it and told me to call when I was released from jail. I did just that two days later.
How does all of this come from that which I quoted at the beginning of this story? It was that Sunday night, April 29,1984, that I knew for a fact that I had passed from searching for death unto seeking life – for sure and for always. I KNOW that when this life is over, I will not leave it in death, which is eternal separation from God. I have found life, and that more abundantly, In Jesus! For He said in John 10:9-10; ‘I am the door: by me if any man enter in, he shall be saved, and shall go in and out, and find pasture. The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.’ I will LIVE forever in His presence and for His Holy and Eternal purposes.
I still try not to take life too seriously, and to enjoy it fully. But I know even if I die, yet shall I live.
‘Jesus said unto her, I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live: And whosoever liveth and believeth in me shall never die. Believest thou this?’ John 11:25So the quote that started my thinking process is false and proved so by the very words of Jesus. Believe and see that He is GOOD. Follow Him and LIVE Forever!
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