Singleness With A Purpose

The Calling Of God

No book or article on seeking a mate of God’s choice would be complete without the mention of those persons who have been called to ministry within the body of Christ that requires them to remain single and/or childless for their whole lives. This is a special calling laid upon a few chosen people whom He has gifted with the abilities this lifestyle requires. Some women have the call to be ‘mothers’ to those who are not of their flesh. One such woman in my life was my great aunt Jean.

Aunt Jean was a missionary to Japan. She taught English to the children of Americans whose parents were there either in missionary service or on the military residence plan for rebuilding that country after the war. She spent many years overseas teaching, but even when she returned home she remained single. She taught school until her retirement about ten or fifteen years ago.

I had a chance to be a visitor to her classroom when I was a girl of about 11. It was an experience I shall never forget. And while I didn’t completely understand the full scope of it’s importance at that time, God has recently opened my eyes to see that this beautiful woman was following His heart and call by her career as a teacher.

I remember her calling all of those boys and girls ‘her children.’ They were more than just students to her, each one of the hundreds of children that had passed through her classroom through the decades were members of her extended family. They each held a piece of her heart and were mentioned in her prayers on a regular basis for the rest of their lives – until she came to a place in her body where her mind no longer functioned to produce the memories of them any longer.

Psalms 113:9 states; ‘He maketh the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful mother of children. Praise ye the LORD.’

Aunt Jean now has Alzheimer’s and can’t remember all those boys and girls any longer, and yet I know they still hold a place in her heart.

I know my aunt was not alone in this calling to a life of singleness with a purpose. There are many other such women throughout time and even within our own families. We all will remember the stories of Hannah, Sarah, Elizabeth, Rebeccah and the widow, Anna, in the Bible.

Or what about the story of Jephthah’s daughter in Judges 11:29 – 40. Jephthah was a judge over Israel. While he was in this position the Ammonites were making war against the children of Israel. Jephthah made a vow to God that if the children of Israel, under his leadership, were victorious against the Ammonites, he would make a sacrifice of the first thing that greeted him when he returned home;

‘Then it shall be, that whatsoever cometh forth of the doors of my house to meet me, when I return in peace from the children of Ammon, shall surely be the LORD'S, and I will offer it up for a burnt offering.’ Judges 11:31.

Jephthah’s daughter was the first to come out the door of his home when he returned. So he offered her up to God, just as he vowed. She lived a life of singleness unto the Lord until the day she died because of the vow of her father. For generations after her death the daughters of Israel honored her singleness with four days of mourning each year. This daughter lived her purpose filled life toward God in honor and respect of her father – not by her own choice, and yet she made it her choice. We, too must honor our Father’s choice for our own life, whether or not His choice for us includes marriage or children in our future.

Each of us in this time of singleness needs to find God’s heart on this issue for themselves. And while those called to this type of ministry are among the minority, this is an area that requires much prayer in order to discern God’s plan for your life. Even if called by God to a life of singleness for His purposes, we are still called to be those women portrayed in the Bible in the passages of Proverbs 31 and Titus 2; as well as to live lives that are fashioned after the ideals of the P.E.A.R.L.s in my previous and following chapters of this book.

Here I will include an article written by a blessed sister in Jesus about her journey through childlessness. She shares from her heart and says this in a better way than I could. I have shared this with the author’s complete permission. Enjoy!


A Childless Woman's Journey
By Mrs. N. Smith
Nov 25, 2008 - 1:57:48 PM

I grew up in a large family with numerous cousins living nearby. My siblings and I being the eldest kids were provided ample opportunities for tending to little ones. So, at nine or ten I had cute babies to carry about and play with. At age eleven my mother gave birth to an eighth sibling, and then again at thirteen I received one final one, a little sister!

Mothering seemed to me as the natural outflow, the expected goal and aspiration of young ladies. To be married with a home and children to care for was the primary purpose for my life, and the only ambition I felt worthy of my hope. So to find myself unmarried through my twenties, and then married and childless in my thirties, I became embittered with many questions for my Lord.

How could He withhold something as natural and God-ordained as motherhood? But taking an honest look at my particular walk with Christ, I can say I knew early on that I would be barren. At age 23 I believe He’d told me so, but that He would bless me with children in other ways during my lifetime, using me in their lives. But that was me.

How strange. How odd to be given a glimpse of a hardship that I would be called to bear. God gives a word such as this? Older Christians would tell me it could not be Him, for the Lord only “blesses” us. So in light of this “blessing” attribute of God, I began to question if blessings were only those things that would delight me in my earthly sphere, limited to my human wishes. But accepting the idea that blessings may come in other ways was not easy.

Feeling utterly rejected and condemned for my sins, unloved and unchosen – or chosen to suffer in such a way as hard as being childless – a rage grew within me--a boiling up that eventually took my health as well. I began to be jealous of other women who had it all! Proverbs 14:30 says, “ A sound heart is the life of the flesh: but envy the rottenness of the bones.” My heart was no longer sound in purity toward God, nor was it free of envy and want.

It was at age 36 while taking a morning walk in the neighborhood school yard that I met the mirror of heaven, so to speak. The Lord’s words were within my mind, very distinct and clear: “What are you angry about?” I stopped walking, out of breath from anger, and I broke down crying. I put my fist up toward heaven and said, “You knew! You could have changed all the rotten things, but You didn’t! You chose to withhold from me all I desired!”

And Jesus said to me, “Now we can talk.” Just like that. He knew my heart – but I needed to know it. I needed to see the magnitude of my own pain, my accusations against God Almighty, and my rage against His will. And He let me know that He can handle it! It wasn’t news to Him. After a bit I was at peace and in full compliance. That is what knowing Jesus is all about. Like in marriage, we are to disclose ourselves to one another in the goal of having a deep need met by the power of forgiveness, understanding, and wholesome love.

What does a woman look for to serve the Lord without children? Where is her fulfillment? I wish I could give an answer that would satisfy; or wave peace across the heart of my younger sisters in Christ. But I know it is only through Father-daughter interaction that true peace and HOPE is found. Even at 50, when babies are in no way possible, there yet remain the tears over the imaginary baby carriage and the tiny grip of an infant’s hand around my finger. But these sad and gloomy thoughts, too, must be brought to submission and surrender.

The natural and beautiful desires that are left wanting, all thoughts of such must fall under being taken captive to the obedience of Jesus Christ ( 2Corinthians 10:5). Our desires are not excluded from being used against us in warfare. And even in the uplifting and promising help found in Philippians 4:8, we must capture our runaway thoughts in our best interest, calling upon the "whatsoever things" are true. It is easy to slip in there "positive thinking," but that is a snare and a misrepresentation of faith.

And even sorrow and suffering can become an idol. Yes, it is true. The very things that God uses to refine and purify us may become images of "our accomplishments" and "what we’ve had to endure." We must be careful to place everything under the Lordship of Christ Jesus, or anything can be a subtle snare to our hearts. Our longings and desires must all be placed at the Cross -- and carried as our cross to bear. This is a hard saying; but true and freeing, dear one.

The rich young ruler could have been a lovely young housewife who is faithful in all ways – yet holding on to this one thing: “I WANT!...” I know this pain. I’ve lived it a very long time. Just as riches are not evil in themselves, so mothering is not evil. But the demand of fulfillment to come only via our own heart’s desire is evil, for it places our will above the will of our Father in heaven.

So, why would God require the loss of fulfillment -- a fulfillment that HE ordained? Why require it of a woman and her husband? Again, no human answer can satisfy. But I am one who has been blessed by many children who cling to me without apparent reason, except perhaps the love God has placed within me to be a feeling, empathetic woman. I also serve with my husband in his evangelistic calling. I also am given words of wisdom to help those sisters who are suffering as I have suffered. These are gifts from our Lord.

We are all on a journey of life. Some of us are required to suffer divinely appointed losses for His sake. I think that God, somewhere in His galactic power, looks for some who will be like little capsules of “ whatever Thou wills.” There was a time--actually times--when I cried to Jesus to give Him my all – no matter and whatever… such a heart desire is His delight. And He will try the depths of that heart, only to show Himself as all-in-all Complete.

Does the rose get to choose to have many roses around it touching and enjoying each other? Does the rose get to choose when it is watered or fed? Does the rose have a choice in seeking shelter from wind and rain? Can it stop the aphid? Does the rose choose to have a butterfly or bee light upon it? Does the rose get to choose if it be cut and put into a beautiful vase for viewing, or be left to die on the branch naturally? How about the direction of the sun or shade?

Of course not. What if God were to ask you to just be a sweet fragrant aroma of HIM like the rose; would you be willing? Can you just be like the rose whose face is uplifted to Jesus, and allow His light to shine upon you, and permit Him to choose how you are used and how many will be permitted to enjoy your fragrance?

Be like the handmaiden of the Lord, and say, “Yes Father. Be it unto me according to Thy will. If all else be forsaken, I will yet praise Thee.” His ways are above our ways, His thoughts above our thoughts. Blessed be the Father of us all. If you’d like to correspond about these tender hurts and sorrows, I am here. You can email me: mailto:thesaltbox.auntieem@gmail.com

Auntie Em blogs at The Salt Box

Though Single, We Are Still Christ’s Bride

So How Do We Become Intimate With Him?

There are times in the lives of some men and women that we find ourselves alone; and perhaps we are not happy with this period of aloneness. And yet God has said: “And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28 KJV. This solitary life, no matter the way it was instituted, can be a blessed time; and was given for your good, according to the verse we just read.

No body wants to live alone, for God created us to be joined to a spouse. Genesis 1:18 reads; And the Lord God said, “It is not good for man to be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.” (NKJV) And then God created Adam’s wife. But the marriage partnership is to be an example – a mirror image, as it were – of our personal relationship with God. And our daily walk with Him is to resemble the give and take of that other sacred relationship – marriage.

But how are we to interact with the creator of the universe on an intimate basis; like we would with a physical spouse? It is not physically possible to wrap your arms around someone who is everywhere at all times and yet not visible to the human eye. So, do you walk into your home at the close of the day, kick your shoes off and shout to the heavens, “Hi, Honey, I’m home.”??? While this thought might make us giggle at the visual we are seeing, it may not be practical, or even fulfilling, in any real sense.

What is it like to be intimate with the Lord? This is what we will endeavor to discover. We will look at the ancient Jewish marriage practices and customs. We will also look at scriptures on relationships and word definitions from the Strong’s Concordance and Webster’s Dictionary to gain a fuller meaning of them. In this way we may gain a better understanding of our relationship with Jesus and the intimacy we should share with Him.

Many of us have spiritual mentors, persons of like faith who are there for us when we struggle and in our triumphs. They will be most valuable while we are in this learning process. Another useful tool for us may be a journal in which we can record our thoughts and feelings during this time; this for future reflections and to share with your mentor for help during times of trouble and celebration in times of triumph.

Shall we begin?


Ancient Jewish Marriage Customs & Practices Mirror Our Relationship with Jesus as Types and Shadows things that have happened and things which are to come.


Ancient Jewish marriage customs and traditions”

* Now, most of us think of marriage as a relationship that begins after the wedding; but this wasn’t so in ancient Israel. In the first century marriage consisted of three parts, or steps; with the wedding being the culminating event that began the final phase of a marriage. The first step was the Arrangement (1). This was followed by the Betrothal (2), then, about a year later, the third part began with the Wedding Ceremony (3) itself.

It was expected that a child would grow to be married. So from infancy children would learn of the sacredness and sanctity of the marriage covenant, its blessings and burdens; and of course, its serious responsibilities. Because children were under the complete authority of their fathers, the arrangements (1) would be made by the heads of the households; with the father of the son taking the primary initiative. Although the customs had changed somewhat by the first century, the story of Abraham, Isaac and Eliezar is a classic example of the arrangement (1) being initiated. While it was the responsibility of the father to select a bride for his son, many times this wasn't practical or possible. So the father would delegate this responsibility to a representative. This representative eventually became known as the marriage broker or matchmaker. Often the matchmaker would remain with the young woman to protect and guide her on her journey to meet her groom.

Likewise in Scripture, we see these same traditions being followed in our marriage to Jesus. Just as the marriage begins with the arrangement (1) and the selection of the bride; so, too, believers in Jesus have been chosen as Messiah's Bride:
He “GOD” chose us in Him before “the foundation of the world" (Ephesians 1:4); “You did not choose me, but I have chosen you” (John 15:16); “From the beginning God chose you” (2 Thessalonians 2:13); “But you are a chosen people” (1 Peter 2:19).

It is interesting to note, in the biblical example of Abraham, Isaac, and Eliezar, that the arrangements are initiated by the father, in the name of the son, through the means of the servant. It becomes even more interesting when we realize that the servant’s name, Eliezar, means "comforter" or "helper". And so, ultimately, it is the Holy Spirit who plays the part of the "matchmaker". He is the "Comforter" - the "Helper." It is He who calls us to enter into this union with our Bridegroom. It is He who remains to guide and protect us as we journey to meet our Beloved Bridegroom.


By the first century the custom had developed that, after the arrangements had been initiated, when he reached marriageable age, the young man would travel from his home to the home of the young and approach her father to discuss the arrangements prior to the betrothal (2). There he negotiated with her father concerning the Bride Price he would pay to make her his own. This Bride Price is far from being a modest token; it was often the equivalent of a year’s wages or more. It was intended to be costly to the young man, a tangible evidence of his love and willingness to sacrifice on behalf of his chosen one.

They would also negotiate over the contents of the written marriage covenant; which stated among other things his promises to her father concerning her and his ability to care for and keep her. It also served the purpose of showing the father of the potential bride how much, or little, the prospective groom understood about the responsibility of taking on a wife.

Once the young girl's father found the Bride Price and covenant acceptable, the prospective groom would be allowed to approach her with his proposal. This "proposal" was in the form of a cup of wine. The young man would pour this cup, take a sip, and then set it before the young woman. To accept the proposal, she would drink it "to the dregs" - taking the bitter with the sweet. In doing so, she was binding herself to him. At this point, the marriage covenant was established and the young man and woman were legally bound to one another in a state called "betrothal". Betrothal was so binding, in fact, that it could only be broken by a religious divorce, a "get", which was available only to the groom during this period of time. From that moment the bride was declared "sanctified," or set apart exclusively for her bridegroom.

After the cup had been taken, the bridegroom would make an announcement to his bride that went something like this: "I'm going back to my father’s house to prepare a place for you, and when he says it is ready; I will return and take you there to be with me forever." Just before he left, the bridegroom would present his "chosen one" with a- bridal gift, a pledge of his love for her. Its purpose was to be a reminder to his bride during their days of separation of his love for her and of his promise to return to take her as his wife. Then the bridegroom would return to his father's house, where he occupied himself preparing a bridal chamber in anticipation of their coming wedding day.

The bride, in the meanwhile, was spending her time learning to please her husband and preparing to live as a wife. She was presented with a dowry by her father as part of her inheritance, to equip her for her new life. During the time of separation, she prepared her wedding dress, gathered her trousseau, and made herself ready for the return of her beloved. She would immerse herself in a ritual bath to symbolize her "rebirth" into a new life. All through this waiting time, the bride wore a veil whenever she went out as a symbol of her consecration to her groom alone. As time went on, she would assemble her sisters and bridesmaids who would go with her to the wedding. Each would have to have their oil lamps ready and would wait at her house every night on the chance that the bridegroom would come along with the groomsmen and sweep them all away to a sudden and joyous wedding ceremony.

Just as the young man would travel to the home of his intended bride (2), Jesus came from His Father's house to the home of His bride, the earth. The Scriptures are our written covenant, where over and over again He declares His love for us and He has promised to provide for all our needs: “For my God shall supply all your needs according to His glorious riches…” Philippians 4:19. And the Bride Price our Bridegroom has paid is the highest possible—He gave His life.

We can see the negotiations between the groom and the father of the bride paralleled in the events that occurred in the Garden of Gethsemane; but we have to realize that in the case of our Bridegroom the Father plays a dual role. He is not only the Father of the Groom, but of the Bride as well and His will concerning the price is very clear—He places great value on the Bride.

Just as the bridegroom would pour a cup of wine for the bride to drink to seal the marriage contract, we see Jesus pouring this cup for His Chosen in Matthew 26:27: "Then He took the cup, gave thanks and offered it to them, saying, "Drink from it, all of you. This is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins." The Cup of Redemption symbolized the cup of His life, which was soon to be poured out. We, as the Bride, take on His life when we drink the cup of His Salvation.

And what did He say when He gave thanks? There is just one Jewish blessing over the wine and it has been said for thousands of years: "Blessed are You, O Lord our God, King of the Universe, Creator of the fruit of the vine." We are ultimately that "fruit". Our Bridegroom is praising the Father for bringing forth His Bride before He sets the cup before her in proposal. The disciples drank of the cup, accepting the offer.

Our Bridegroom has given us bridal gifts to show the value He places upon us and to help us remember Him during these long days of and, just as a bridegroom would have told his bride that he would go to prepare place for her, Our Bridegroom has said: "In my Father's house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you. I am going there to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am" (John 14:2-3).

Just as the bride would undergo a ritual bath symbolizing her "rebirth," turning aside from former things & starting her new life with her beloved, we too undergo water baptism whish symbolizes our "rebirth." Just as the bride would be given a dowry by her father, we too are given gifts by God our Father as a portion of our inheritance, to help us prepare to live as the wife of the Lamb.



The culminating step – the Wedding Ceremony (3) – is known as "nisuin" a Hebrew word which literally means “taken.” This is based on the Hebrew verb "nasa", which means "to carry" or "to lift up". Nisuin is quite a graphic description, as we shall soon see.

As the bride was awaiting the return of her betrothed, the bridegroom was building and decorating with increasing anticipation. Then finally the chamber would be ready and his father would tell him, "It's time." The excited bridegroom would assemble his groomsmen that would accompany him on the trip to claim his betrothed. They would set out at night, making every attempt to completely surprise the bride. For this reason the returning groom was often referred to as “a thief in the night.” But, there were rules the “thief” had to follow. The rabbi’s were kind enough to insist that they give her a warning as the groom and his entourage would get close to her house, one of the groomsmen would shout out something like "Behold, the bridegroom comes!" This would be followed by the sound of a "shofar" (ram's horn), just in case the shout wasn't enough to rouse her from her slumber.

When the bride heard the shout and sound of the shofar, she knew she only had time to grab her wedding clothes and light her lamp, for her time of waiting was over. Her sisters and bridesmaids had to have their lamps trimmed and ready, as well. To say that the terrain in Israel is a bit rocky would be an understatement and it is seriously doubtful that anyone would try to navigate the dark roads of ancient Israel without a lamp to light their way.

The bridegroom would wait outside while his groomsmen would rush in and steal the bride and her attendants away. People in the village would, of course, be awakened by all the noise. They would see the lamps, hear the shouts and the laughter, and realize a wedding was underway. Many would come out and join in the procession as the wedding party made their way, singing and dancing, back to the home of the father of the groom.

When the wedding party reached their destination, the bride and groom would enter the place that he had labored so long to prepare for her and shut the door, where they would spend seven days together in a time of seclusion. No one else, with the exception of select servants, would enter the chamber during this time and the couple themselves did not leave until the Wedding Week was concluded. The groom's father, meanwhile, would have assembled the wedding guests, who would be gathered together with him, waiting to celebrate the new marriage.

Remember that I mentioned the couple wouldn't leave their chamber during this time? I personally think this next custom might have had something to do with that fact. You see, the marriage had to be actually consummated before the celebration could begin, since Jewish Law provided that the bride and groom become one before their marriage was recognized. So, the "friend of the bridegroom," the forerunner to today's Best Man, would stand near the door of the bridal chamber and wait to hear the bridegroom's voice. When the marriage was consummated, the groom would tell his friend through the door and the friend would then announce the good news to the assembled guests. Only then would (could) the celebration would start.

Now, as the guests outside enjoyed the festivities, the bride would present her dowry to her new husband and the young couple would share another cup together, the “Cup of Completion.” Outside the chamber, the groom's father would hold a sort of "Open House" that lasted for seven full days, as we see in Judges 14:10-12 for example. At the end of the week, the bride and groom would make their long waited "Official Appearance" to the cheers of the assembled guests. Then there would be a joyous meal, the Marriage Supper, to honor the new couple. The bride would have discarded her veil, since she was now a married woman, and all could see exactly who it was that the bridegroom had chosen. After the Marriage Supper, the bride and groom, now husband and wife, would travel back through the village, to the place of their permanent dwelling and live out this last step of marriage.

Just as the ancient Israeli bridegroom could return for his bride only after his father approved (3), our Bridegroom told us: "No one knows about that day or hour, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father. Be on guard! Be alert! You do not know when that time will come” (Mark 13:32-33).

We, as the Bride of Christ, are now consecrated, set apart, waiting for the return of our Bridegroom. We should not be distracted by others who would try to "woo" us with contracts of their own, such as false teachers: or the world and the things in it. We, too, wear a veil, the covering of the Spirit, showing our consecration to our Beloved. Our consecrated, set-apart ways should speak to those around us of the promise we have made. (The apostle Paul spoke of the removing of our veil in I Corinthians 13:11-12; "When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things. For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.") We should be spending this time preparing ourselves for Jesus’ return and learning to live in a way that is pleasing to our Beloved. And we should live in hopeful expectation and confidence of His return: "Looking for the blessed hope - the appearance of the glory of our great God and Savior. Jesus Christ" (Titus 2:13).

And the return of Jesus for His Bride is very clear in Scripture. It would appear that the "nisuin" tradition must have been in Paul's mind when he wrote to those with questions about Jesus’ return: "For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever. Therefore encourage each other with these words." (1 Thessalonians 4:16-18).

I want to focus for a minute on the term, "caught up". One of the common objections made by those who don't believe in the Rapture of the Church is that the word "rapture" is not found in Scripture. I agree, it is not found in the English translations. However, the Scriptures have been translated into many languages, one of them being Latin. The word "rapture" is an anglicized version of the word "rapere" from the Latin Vulgate, which is translated "caught up" in the above passage. After the Bible was translated into other languages, the Latin term continued to be used. (I can see why, myself. “The Rapture” has a better ring to it than “The Caught Up"). So, while there are other arguments against this position, this particular one should be laid to rest. Incidentally, the Greek version of this word is "harpazo" and the Hebrew word is "nasa", from which we get the word "nisuin" - the word used to describe the last portion of the marriage customs.

(*Excerpts edited and reprinted from “The Believers Bridegroom” by Marji Hughes, with her permission; and may not reflect the doctrines and / or beliefs of this writer or Bread Of Life Christian Fellowship. Italics/underlining added are mine for emphasis or clarification)

After their first night together the Groom sends the Bride’s Father the coverings from their bed by a trusted servant. As proof of her virginity – purity – they will be spotted with her blood. Christ, our Bridegroom, shed His blood on Calvary to give us His purity when we became His bride.

At the present time we who are a part of the family of God are all in the Betrothal - or preparation - period of our marriage relationship with Jesus, our Bridegroom. We should be spending our time learning to communicate with Him. What things please Him and displease Him; and learning how best to serve Him in all areas of our life. We should be building up our dowry with the gifts of our Father and bringing more people into the kingdom as brothers and sisters and a part of Christ’s Bride.

Titus 2:3-8 tells the older women of the church to teach the younger their proper rolls; “…to love their husbands …”etc. If this example is set for the natural marital relationship it also holds true for the spiritual. More mature Christians are to teach the new members of Christ’s Bride their rolls in His body, how to learn to love their new Husband and the rest of the family of GOD.

I heard a Preacher on the radio this morning saying that he looks for things that he is passionate about to use to draw him closer to Jesus. His example for himself was hot coffee on a dark cold morning out on his front porch was something that drew him into a more passionate relationship to Jesus. He also took field trips into various cemeteries to walk among and read the various tombstones. He drew closer to the Lord as he read of the different people who had gone before. I am not quite sure how these field trips draw his passions out and bring him closer to Jesus, but I was able to use his examples to look into my own life and draw upon my personal passions to list a couple that I use to bring myself into a more intimate place in Jesus.

When I am in the best place in my relationship with our Bridegroom I can HEAR Him whisper his songs of praise in my ears and feel his VOICE reverb throughout my entire being. Thus putting me in a place where I have to sing to Him what He is singing to me. I am such a musically grounded person that if I am not hearing the praises of heaven I know I have fallen short in some area and start searching out where I am lacking so that I may quickly repent and get back into that special place I have within His Voice.

I also play the flute and sax. And at times I get so into the worship of this instrumental music it is like I am “praying” the instruments, not playing them. I hope this is understandable because I don’t have any other way to describe the experience.

I also get very close to Jesus when He is whispering His words in my ears for me to write – such as this and other articles, poetry and stories of all kinds. I really get lost in another place between this world and the realm His Spirit lives in when I get into my writing or music. It is so much different that I really have no words to explain it to you.

Each of you has talents, events or places that bring out the best in you; that you are very passionate about. You have to find in that place (or places) where you can be closest to Jesus, and go into that passionate place with HIM in order to know what I am talking about. I encourage you to find those things that you are passionate about in your everyday life and use them as an outlet of intimate, personal worship with your –our – Bridegroom, Jesus!

The Ecstasy that I encounter when I get into these intimate times with Jesus is very like the special times that are shared between a husband and wife – because that is exactly what they are. There is no other way to describe the special intimacy I have with Jesus when I get into these places of worship.

When we learn to be intimate with Jesus, our Bridegroom, we will learn to relate better in our next (our last) relationship with the mate of God’s choosing as our spouse. Because all of the principles we have taken from the ancient Jewish marriage practices are the natural types and the shadows for the spiritual marriage we have with Him.

I pray that each of you finds this special relationship with our Lord as I have found. It is truly amazing! Discover who you really are in Him and grow in His grace in the process!

Happy Learning!
Leigh

P. E. A. R. L.S

On the Heavenly Highway to Purity:

As I was preparing to write the Christian’s rules for dating I was reminded of the verse in Proverbs 31:10, which says: “Who can find a virtuous woman? For her worth is far above rubies.” And then I thought many of us more resemble a pearl; which starts it’s existence as a grain of sand that has gotten inside an oyster and irritated it’s lining causing it to coat that grain with layer upon layer of pearl-essence to create a rare stone of great beauty and much monetary value. We, too, have caused many people to be irritated. But in other ways we are more like an onion and God is constantly peeling away our many smelly layers of sin and impurities. And so I came up with an acronym for us who are traveling this road toward purity. We are P. E. A. R. L.’s: Pure and Exciting, but Always a Real Lady. And as such we are traveling the Heavenly Highway to Purity in Jesus.
As PEARL’s we need to behave (think, act and dress) very differently than women of the world would when we are seeking to meet and marry the man God has created us to be “an helpmeet” for. So this article is an outline for us to follow while we are searching for that special someone; later I will share some basic rules to go with this outline.

1. MODESTY: As PEARL’s we need to be modest in our language and actions, but most importantly in the way that we dress. The reasons for this are very clear and spelled out for us in God’s word. I Timothy 2:9-10 says: “In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with braided hair, or gold, or pearls or costly array; But (which becometh women professing Godliness) with good works.” God wasn’t telling ladies not to dress nicely. No this command is more pointed; He is telling Godly ladies NOT to dress provocatively. Not to wear their skirts and slacks so tight or short as to leave little or nothing to a man’s imagination. And not to wear our blouses so low as to expose our cleavage for them to drool over. And this with very good reason. It is because when we dress as women of the world dress we are inviting men, and more importantly our Christian brothers to participate in the sin of adultery with their eyes. But more than that, our invitation to men into this sin makes us a participant with them in that sin. We can see this participation in Matthew 5:27-28: “Ye have heard it said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: but I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.” (italics/underlining added for emphisis) These are strong words, but very true. As Godly ladies we are to treat every man – even single men, and most especially our Christian brothers, as though they are some other woman’s husband – for in essence they really are. We don’t want the women that work with our husband to flaunt their bodies in front of him, so why would we behave like this in front of another woman’s husband?
A man may look after a woman who is dressed provocatively in lust for a moment. He may even comment to his buddies that he “would like to have some of that,” as she walks by. But she is not the lady he would choose to “bring home to Mama!” She is not the one chosen for a lifetime helpmeet. A lady who dresses modestly leaves men guessing as to what she is all about. She is one of life’s mysteries that he must discover the meaning of. Let me give you an example we all can relate to. During the Christmas season we have ample opportunity to watch children in the stores telling their parents I want this toy or that game. But when Christmas finally comes and the presents are set out under the tree there is great anticipation, as they must wait to unwrap them.
I have seen my own children look under the tree at their gifts. And there were a few times that a gift or two was too large or strangely shaped to be wrapped. So they were there with the others, but unwrapped. Every single time this happened my children were the most interested in the gifts they had to unwrap than in those which were “undressed,” so to speak. There was no challenge, nothing to dream for, nothing to long after when the gift was not wrapped in pretty paper and ribbons and bows . . . It is the same with a woman who dresses provocatively, she has left nothing a mystery for men to wonder after.

2. ATTITUDE: As PEARL’s we must exude a Godly air of confidence. This confidence must pour forth from every inch of your being. It will be in your smile, not just on your lips, but also in the smiling sparkle of your eyes. It’s in the way you give a slight pause between sentences during a conversation. You never babble on out of your nervousness. It’s in the way you listen very attentively when someone speaks. It’s also in the way you breathe, slow and sure of yourself. It’s in your posture – you should always sit and stand straight and tall. It’s in your every step, walking briskly with your head high and your shoulders back but with an air of purity and God’s Holy Spirit as your grounding force.
Your past relationships and other failures are insignificant, so leave them at home in your closet. Remember, you are a PEARL! Don’t beg or act desperate. Only date men who want to be with you. Trust God and His abundant goodness and He will provide you the perfect man for your helpmeet in His perfect time. Don’t chase anyone and don’t settle.
Our attitude should not be haughty (Dictionary.com definition: disdainfully proud; snobbish; scornfully arrogant; supercilious) for the reasons listed in Proverbs 16:18, which says: “Pride goeth before destruction and a haughty spirit before a fall.” Our attitude should be overflowing with the Fruit of the Spirit listed in Galatians 5:22-26; or even as Paul states in Philippians 4:8 which reads: “Finally my brethren, (or sisters), whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things.” The things we think on are what will be revealed by our attitude; and as PEARL’s we want to show forth the attitudes of Jesus at all times; and to think on the things listed in this verse will allow us to show forth His attitudes.

Finding The Mate of GOD'S Choosing - Part 2

I don’t look at being single as a “gift.” But I do feel that it can be a time of learning to trust Jesus in more and different ways. Developing such a close bond with Him that we are willing to do all that He may ask of us. It is an opportunity to truly “fall head over heels” in Love with our Savior and Lord. This is our first step on this journey we are about to take.
This is a necessary time of growth before we will be ready for the life long mate God has prepared for us. So let’s make valuable use of this time to learn all that we can and become as much like Jesus as He is calling us to be.
This will also be a time of healing from the pain and damage done to our emotions and spirit in our past relationships so that we will be prepared for the relationship of a lifetime. That relationship with Jesus first and foremost and then with the spouse He has chosen for us to share the rest of our lives.
So where do we begin this journey? Let’s start by taking inventory of the hurts and pain we are carrying in our hearts and minds. We need to know where we are before we can start this, or any, journey. I feel that you should have a notebook with you as we travel through this time together so that you can make a record of how far we have progressed along this new path. It will be a valuable asset for assessing what things we need to change in our lives, what we can build on and what we need to add. And a way to record the progress made along the way. It will also be important to be able to share these milestones with your spiritual mentor. And believe me you will want to do this at various times throughout our journey.
Taking inventory is a personal matter that you should keep in a journal; this is so that you can reflect on the growth as we travel through this time of healing. It will also be wise to share your journal with your spiritual mentor from time to time as God leads. This should be a mature, motherly figure that you trust completely with your deepest emotional, spiritual and physical needs. Someone who has a Christian marriage that has stood the tests of time and endured. It is not the time to have your best girlfriend as your confident. As you take this inventory take time to look over the relationships of your past and take stock of the hurts you have caused, and the hurts you have suffered. A time to seek forgiveness from God and those who have been wronged for the hurts you have caused. This is also a time to give forgiveness to those who have caused you pain, in person if possible or by letter if they don’t live close by. If you were publicly wronged, it should be a public forgiveness; if private then a private meeting is the way to go. If they have passed on you can also write a letter and seal it in an envelope or burn it afterwards as a sacrifice to God instead of to them personally. This will enable the forgiveness to be released within you.
Jesus said in Mark 11:25, 26 that if we have ought (lit. nothing; this means if we think there may be something between us and a brother or sister) We all need to walk through this time of reviewing the hurts in our lives. It is a time of healing for us. A time of learning to trust Jesus to mend those painful wounds in our lives and in the lives of those we have hurt.
For the first two and a half years after I became single again, I was so wounded from my past relationships that I didn’t think I would ever, and I meant EVER want to be in a relationship with a man again, let alone get married. “Marriage”, to me, had become a “four-letter-word.” But after finding out what true relationship is all about, and lots of counseling, I have decided that if this is God’s plan for me, I would like to try it again, His way this time. And in that respect I would be doing it right.
In this time of healing and waiting upon the Lord, God wants to draw us closer into our relationship with Him. Into deeper truths and show us the life, the true calling He has placed on our lives. I am reminded of what Aslan kept saying at the end of C. S. Lewis’s book, “The Last Battle”, “Further in and Higher up.” But we must find freedom from the bondage of our hurts and the pain of unforgiveness before we can loose ourselves in the total oneness with Jesus that He is calling us to.
If you are new to the path of forgiveness, no worries, God is able to instruct you in the right ways to seek the forgiveness of others and to give forgiveness to those whom you have wronged. When I was learning to be forgiving and to accept forgiveness, I spent time in concentrated prayer for those I had wronged and those who I felt had wronged me. Sometimes I would fast, other times I would not.
I also made time often with my spiritual mentor so that we could work through all of the emotions I went through as a result of learning how to walk the pathway of forgiveness. It was very complex, so again I encourage you again to have a spiritual mentor available to assist you in this new area of learning. They should be someone you can trust implicitly with any secret, for by the end of your healing you should have no secrets between you in the area of your past relationships. Also, as they will be privy to these former secrets, they should be of the same gender and more spiritually mature woman as Titus 2:3-5, NIV, describes; "Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not slanderers or addicted to much wine (or other substances), but to teach what is good. They can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God."
Both my mentor and I kept notes (journals) of the things I was learning and my progress along the path. I recorded feelings, insights, songs of praise and scripture verses that were helpful during this journey. They are reminders of my learning process and fill me with renewed joy as I review them, as I am sure your journal entries will be to you. You may want to share the entries you have recorded in this volume with her, or have a separate journal to record those things you specifically choose to share. And later in your walk, if someone is traveling the pathway that you have trod you may want to share your journey with her. She will be comforted to know someone else that has walked this path before her and survived.
When we have completed taking this inventory and are beginning to walk the path of forgiveness, I will introduce you to a new realm of purity for Ladies who are longing to follow Jesus into the Heights. Choose a wise older woman who is more mature in her Christian walk from among your Family or Church to help you as your spiritual mentor. Think about where you are in your walk with Jesus and ask Him to help you with recognizing the elements of your inventory. Pick up a Journal or any type of notebook and prayerfully record your thoughts, emotions, hurt, anger, and pain from those relationships of your past. Use your Bible and a concordance to jot down verses on forgiveness to meditate on and memorize, if given the desire; here are a few to get you started:
Matt 6:12-15 "And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For Thine is the Kingdom, and the power and the glory, forever. Amen. For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses."

Nehemiah 9:17b "But Thou art a God ready to pardon (forgive), gracious and merciful, slow to anger, and of great kindness, and forsook them not."

Psalms 25:10, 11 NIV "All the ways of the Lord are loving and faithful for those who keep the demands of His covenant. For the sake of Your name, O Lord, forgive my iniquity, though it is great."

May you be blessed as we journey together.

Finding The Mate of GOD'S Choosing - Part 1

I have always thought that having a man in my life was that which would “fulfill” me in Jesus. So at those times in my life when I haven’t had a mate I went out looking for “the one” to fill that role in my life. Many years, and relationships later, have left me unfulfilled both emotionally and Spiritually in this area of my life.
But here I am going to begin a dialogue on how a Christian person of any age who finds themself either single or single again can truly be fulfilled in all areas of their life. Fulfillment doesn’t come from having another person to share your life. It comes from knowing your place in the family of God and living your life according to His plan. And I believe it is a part of God’s plan for most of us to be happily married, but to partners of His choosing, not our own.
So many are the mistakes of our youth, especially when we haven’t chosen to follow Jesus as our Savior and Lord. Although I grew up in a Christian family and went to church each time the door was open, I was not a true believer until just after my 25th birthday. Also, my parents had no training in the Biblical Courtship model with which to “train up” their children. So when it came to relationships with the opposite sex we were not well educated.
I also had no one I felt I could trust to confide in, nor did I feel the need to confide in anyone where matters of the heart were concerned. I was an adult, so I knew it all. At least I thought I did. So when it came to men, and a lot of other decisions in my life, I made very poor ones. I “fell in Love” and married three men who were abusive in a number of ways. And although I am not an advocate of divorce, I felt I had God’s permission to divorce each of the men for reasons that are not a part of this discussion, so I will not be discussing them here. Maybe that is a topic for another book or article at a later date.
I had always thought I believed in marriage being once and for all time. Now I know I have the belief and conviction that marriage is to be a once in a lifetime event. And when God blesses me with the mate He has chosen for me it will be just that in my life!
Genesis 2:24 says; “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”
God hates divorce, and if we are committed to following His path for our lives we shouldn’t have this word in our vocabulary, let alone practice it. Moses did allow the Israelites to write a bill of divorcement for certain offenses, but not as a general practice. And it was never God’s plan.
I know we have all made mistakes, and if we have repented (turned our backs on them and totally change directions and ways of doing things). Then God says we are new creatures. As new creatures we have new beginning and can learn new ways of doing things. This new way of finding the right life mate, husband or wife, is what I am proposing to share with you in the pages ahead. So let’s dig in and get on with it.
First I want you to find a partner of the same sex to share this journey with, some one who is both wise and understanding. Someone who is more mature in their walk with Jesus than you are at present, but who you feel can share God’s wisdom with you as you travel this path together. They should have a solid Christ-based marriage. This person will be your spiritual mentor through this new Journey, and quite possibly throughout the rest of your life. This person should also be a person of leadership who is solidly grounded in the Word and to whom you will not be afraid to “spill you guts” on any and every subject, and I do mean every, subject. This is because you will need to talk at length through much of what we are going to share in this journey to God’s choosing the right mate for you. So choose wisely and well.
I think this is a sound Biblical practice due to the words of Peter in 1 Peter 5:5, “Likewise, ye younger, submit yourselves unto the elder. Yea, all [of you] be subject one to another, and be clothed with humility: for God resisteth the proud, and giveth grace to the humble.” And also the words of the Apostle Paul in Titus 2:3-6 NIV (parenthesis/italics mine), “Likewise teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not to be slanderers or addicted to much wine (or other substances), but to teach what is good. Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self controlled and pure, to be busy at home. To be kind, and to be subject (submissive) to their husbands, so that no one will malign the Word of God. Similarly, encourage the younger men to be self-controlled. In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness, and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us.”
I truly feel that this training and teaching should happen in our teen and early twenties, however some of us have missed out on it either due to lack of Godly examples or because of our own acts of willfulness. What ever the case may be has no bearing on the fact that we can and should learn these things now. So I am going to share with you what God has been sharing with me in the last few years. Right here I like for us to consider a some scripture verses that have gotten me through the many struggles of this new life in Jesus; “But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength, they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run and not be weary, and they shall walk and not faint.” Isaiah 40:31. This waiting is a two fold waiting. It is not just waiting for God to do something in you. It is simultaneously a waiting for God and a waiting on God. We all know what it means to wait FOR God, but what does it mean to wait ON God. This waiting on God is performing acts of ministry in His name for the benefit of others. This can be an actual job in the church or just meeting the needs of those in your family or church body by donating your time to them. Cooking a meal, watching their children, etc. The ministry possibilities are endless. And having an active ministry can be a valuable part of following God’s plan for Him choosing our life marriage partner.
The other is in Jeremiah 29:11-13 “For I know the plans I have for you," says the LORD. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me in earnest, you will find me when you seek me.” God has planned our lives in their entirety from before the world was created. He has good plans for each of us. But we have to earnestly seek His face.
Seeking a holy life in Jesus, committed to being submitted to His “will” and “plan” for you is the place where a life long marriage commitment starts. You must first be seeking to follow “hard after” Him and take that close walk with Him into your future relationship with your friend who will ultimately become that life long mate. We must learn to be content in our relationship with Jesus. Seeking to always draw nearer to Him in order to learn how to relate in our future marriage relationship. Standing on the Higher Ground with Jesus is the only place to start. And as we follow Him Higher and Higher still, He can direct us to the perfect mate He has chosen for us.
So, if you have blown it in past relationships or marriages and now find yourself single again, God still has the perfect plan for the rest of your life. If you are in need of repentance, you can fall on your face before God right where you are and confess your sins to Him, ask for His forgiveness and make a change in your heart, mind and life to live from today forward according to His plan for you.
Now if you are ready to begin this journey to the marriage partner of the rest of your life, I want to share something I feel is crucial for you to understand before we begin. Jesus has chosen the “perfect mate” for you. He knew everything about your life before it began and chose the right husband/wife for you from the beginning of time. I think scripture bears this “perfect mate” theory out in the story of Rebekah and Isaac in Genesis 24:12-21. This is where Abraham’s servant went to Abraham’s hometown to find a wife for Isaac. He was standing outside of town at the well praying that God direct him to “the girl.” This passage says God answered his prayer before he finished praying.
Even if your mistakes have taken you through wrong relationships because you weren’t taught, or didn’t learn, how to find God’s perfect mate its not too late. There is still time to learn and follow the tried and proven method to live a married life abundantly full of the “Joy of the Lord.” And while I won’t promise you “happily ever after,” I will say you can have a marriage “made in heaven” instead of being “made in Taiwan.”
Now, if you are married this blog is NOT for you. It is strictly intended to help single people to find God’s choice of a life long marriage partner. So if you are married, you should look to your pastor or spiritual advisor for counseling on how to make the partner you have “the one.” There is much you still can do to correct what may be wrong in your current marriage without divorcing. Look to God and Godly counsel to help you begin down the road to a more blissful marriage.
Please stay tuned for what lies ahead on this Journey to “the mate of God’s choosing” in your life and in mine.