Singleness As God’s Gift

Singleness As God’s Perfect Gift

‘For I would that all men were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that. I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, it is good for them if they abide even as I.’ I Corinthians 7:7-8

 Still Single

God gave a single lifestyle to me

He gave no ending date

If He should choose to tarry

Then I will gladly wait

When friends and loved ones marry

I will not hang my head

I will dance at every wedding

And worship God instead

God alone knows the best way

The path each one should take

He has given me much ministry

To many lives that are at stake

Being single gives me space

To serve Him every day

My only obligation

Is to trust Him and Obey

I love to work for Jesus

To fulfill His every call

But if I had a family

From this pathway I might fall

I would like a human husband

Some one with whom to talk

But my Heavenly Husband

Has chosen the road that I should walk

I serve my Lord with gladness

And will do so all my life

Even if I have no husband

No one to call me wife

For Jesus is my provider

He supplies my every need

There is no greater husband

Than He who died for me

If you find yourself living single

In this there is no disgrace

For Jesus has called you to it

And filled you with His grace

Make the Lord your Heavenly Husband

And heed His ministry call

Singleness gives you the freedom

To be the servant of all

So serve the Lord with gladness

As you gaze upon His face

And thank Him for His precious gifts

Of His singleness and His grace

Leigh

June 6, 2009

I know I have said more than once that I didn’t think that singleness was a gift; and yet I am beginning to think that I have been wrong.

While journeying through this book I have learned to accept Jesus as my husband and provider, which was previously a very foreign idea to me. But now it is just as normal as living this life He has given me for at least a second, maybe a third, chance – or more. So the next step in my growth is to not only think of singleness as a gift, but to accept it as the gift Jesus meant it to be when He gave it to me. The Bible says that EVERY word of scripture is ‘…profitable for … instruction in righteousness;’ 2 Timothy 3:15-17 KJV. So if we take God’s word at face value, we can believe that Paul was speaking the truth when he wrote the test verse I quoted at the beginning of this chapter. Let’s read it again and break down exactly what it means. Here we go:

‘For I would that all men [women] were even as I myself. But every man hath his proper gift of God, one after this manner, and another after that. I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, it is good for them if they abide even as I.’

I Corinthians 7:7-8

Paul states that he would like to see all men [and women] in the same state that he is. Paul was once a member of the Sanhedrin Court.  History tells us that at that time in history it was mandatory for all members to be married. We don’t know why he was single at the time he met Jesus in person, we are only given access into his life from the days just before his conversion to Christ and from that point to the time of his death. At this time in his life Paul was a single man in full time ministry for Jesus. He stated that he would like all people to be in this same place – single and in full time ministry. But he didn’t stop there, he went on to say that each man [woman] was given his own, proper gift of God; in this context Paul is still talking about each person’s marital and ministry positions. He calls these positions God’s proper gift for every man [woman] and that each person’s positions were ‘one after this manner, and another after that;’ or each picked especially for them by Jesus. So I have to believe that God has chosen my singleness and my ministry/calling specifically for me. He has specially prepared me for these gifts for this special time of my life. So now that I have begun to believe this, how do I fully accept and walk in this gift God has given me?

Walking in this gift is done by listening to the call of Jesus and doing all that He has placed in my hands to accomplish; but accepting it, that is a different matter. Accepting it is believing what God’s Word says, even when you doubt, and acting on that belief. We can act on our simple beliefs by sharing them with others, like I am doing with these words you are reading. We can also accept this by living in a joyfulness of spirit during this period of singleness. There may be other ways to act on these newfound beliefs, too. God will show each of us what other ways of acceptance He may have for us when the time is right. ‘Do not err, my beloved brethren. Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, and cometh down from the Father of lights, with whom is no variableness, neither shadow of turning.’ James 1:16-17, KJV. Jesus gave Salvation freely to all, but it is our choice whether or not to accept it. So to, we as singles have the choice to accept this position in our lives as God’s perfect gift to us; to pick it up, unwrap it, and keep it as our very own – to nurture, respect, hold on to and grow with as we mature in it.

OK, so we are now learning to accept singleness as God’s best gift for us, but is it going to last forever? Maybe! Yes, I said maybe. For each person’s period of singleness is designed to match his/her life’s calling – the personal ministry that God has set before him/her. I feel there are at least three different timelines of singleness, they are: for a time, a season, or for life.

Let’s break down what each of these timelines might look like. None of these periods has a specific or set number of days, months or years but the shortest of our timelines is for a TIME. A TIME may be a few days, weeks, months or maybe a year or two, God alone knows its length. A SEASON, I feel, is a period of several years. Maybe it is the time it takes to finish our schooling, raise our children (if we are single parents), make a missions trip or even write that book God has called us to write. Again, only God knows the length of time He has determined for our specific time or season.

The last of the periods I have listed is that of a LIFE, and we all know what this period looks like. My Great Aunt I with you in a previous chapter was one example that I had to look at in my life. You may have examples in your own life, too.

My journey into singleness has only just recently become a precious gift to me. But I am willing to walk this path as long as He chooses for me to do so. It gives me the freedom to write the words He has placed in my heart and to minister to those people He has placed in my path. I have finally decided to be all that He wants for my life. No matter what that life may look like to me, it is beautiful to Him; and it is a beautiful and precious GIFT that He has chosen for me and blessed me with. I know He has blessed me with it, as without Him in my life I would have died a miserable death many years ago due to choices made early in my life. Praise God, He has given me forgiveness and freedom from those early choices. Now I have the ability to share the things I have learned from my past with others I have met who find themselves traveling down the same road I had previously traveled. I try to encourage them to follow Jesus instead of that long, dark pathway to hell.

Trust in the LORD, and do good; so shalt thou dwell in the land, and verily thou shalt be fed. Delight thyself also in the LORD: and HE shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the LORD; trust also in HIM; and HE shall bring it to pass. [Emphasis mine]

Psalms 37: 3-3, KJV: By learning to trust God and accept my singleness as His perfect gift for me, He has changed my desires so that they match His desires for my life. I only want to do all I can to make Him pleased with my life. While I don’t know if my period of singleness is for a season, or for the rest of my life, I will live it giving praise to my Heavenly Husband, for He gives only ‘good and perfect gifts!’ And I have accepted this life as His perfect gift for me!

In Matthew 19:1-11 it says; When Jesus had finished saying these things, he left Galilee and went into the region of Judea to the other side of the Jordan. 2 Large crowds followed him, and he healed them there. Some Pharisees came to him to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any and every reason?” “Haven’t you read,” he replied, “that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh?' So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” “Why then,” they asked, “did Moses command that a man give his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away?” Jesus replied, “Moses permitted you to divorce your wives because your hearts were hard. But it was not this way from the beginning. I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery.” The disciples said to him, “If this is the situation between a husband and wife, it is better not to marry.” Jesus replied, “Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given.

Jesus starts off speaking to the Pharisees when they asked Him about the acceptable reasons for divorcing. They thought they could trip Him up with their questions, so they asked if a man might divorce for any and every reason? But Jesus was onto their tactics. He told them bluntly that God had never planned for men and women to divorce as when they were wed God made them one they were no longer two, so how could men divide them?

So then the Pharisees asked why Moses had allowed a man to write his wife a certificate of divorce and send her away. Again Jesus answered that this was only permitted because of the hardness of men's hearts, not because of any change in God's plans of us. He wanted men to walk according to God's original plans for men and woman. Jesus gave only instances of adultery as grounds for divorcing.

After the Pharisees left the disciples went a little further in their questioning, lets read this portion in the Contempory English Version;

The disciples said, "If that's how it is between a man and a woman, it's better not to get married." Jesus told them, "Only those people who have been given the gift of staying single can accept this teaching. Some people are unable to marry because of birth defects or because of what someone has done to their bodies. Others stay single for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Anyone who can accept this teaching should do so."

I think that the disciples were just popping off like some of us did as children when we were reluctant to do what our parents had required of us. You know, pouting and stomping our feet in disgust and dismay.

But Jesus understood this and let them know that staying single was only meant for those who were given the gift of being single, were malformed in some way or had chosen a single lifestyle in order to do more work for the Kingdom of Heaven.

Most men and women are meant ot live as married couples, and they do. But there are a few of us who will never marry, or remarry, as they feel called of God to work for Him and remain married only to Jesus for the rest of their lives. This is what the apostle Paul was also saying when he spoke of in I Corinthians 7:7-10, also in the Contemporary English Version; I wish that all of you were like me, but God has given different gifts to each of us. Here is my advice for people who have never been married and for widows. You should stay single, just as I am. But if you don't have enough self-control, then go ahead and get married. After all, it is better to marry than to burn with desire. I instruct married couples to stay together, and this is exactly what the Lord himself taught. A wife who leaves her husband should either stay single or go back to her husband. And a husband should not leave his wife.

So if you are wondering if you are to stay single or get married, or remarried, ask Jesus if you were chosen to receive this gift of singleness or to prepare for a life of wedded bliss. Only He knows what gifts He has for each of us.

My current gift and my calling at this time, and I feel may last for the rest of my life, is to remain single and minister to other women who are currently in this state.

Thank you Lord, for this gift of singleness! I hope I use it well and to your glory!

P.E.A.R.L.s Walking In Singleness

On The Heavenly Highway To Purity

I read this verse, “Who can find a virtuous woman? For her worth is far above rubies.” Proverbs 31:10. And then I thought most of us more resemble a pearl; which starts it’s existence as a grain of sand that has gotten inside an oyster and irritated it’s lining causing it to coat that grain with layer upon layer of pearl-essence to create a rare stone of great beauty and much monetary value.

We, too, have caused many people to be irritated. But in other ways we are more like an onion and God is constantly peeling away our many smelly layers of sin and impurities. And so I came up with an acronym for us who are traveling this road toward purity. We are P.E.A.R.L.s: Pure and Exciting, but Always Real Ladies. And as such we are traveling the Heavenly Highway to Purity in Jesus. As P.E.A.R.L.s we need to act very differently than women of the world do. We are to follow the examples of Biblical Womanhood as follows:

MODESTY: As P.E.A.R.L.s we need to be modest in our language and actions, but most importantly in the way that we dress. The reasons for this are very clear and spelled out for us in God’s word. I Timothy 2:9-10 says: “In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with braided hair, or gold, or pearls or costly array; But (which becometh women professing Godliness) with good works.”

God wasn’t telling ladies not to dress nicely. No this command is more pointed; He is telling Godly ladies not to dress provocatively. Not to wear their skirts and slacks so tight or short as to leave little or nothing to a man’s imagination. Not to wear our blouses so low as to expose our cleavage for them to drool over. And this with very good reason; it is because when we dress as women of the world dress we are inviting men, and more importantly our Christian brothers to participate in the sin of adultery with their eyes. But more than that, our invitation to men into this sin makes us a participant with them in their sin. We can see this participation in Matthew 5:27-28: “Ye have heard it said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: but I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery WITH HER already in his heart.” These are strong words, but very true.

As Godly ladies we are to treat every and most especially our Christian brothers, as though they are some other woman’s husband – for they really are. And so we behave in public and in private as though we are standing in the very presence of God – for so we are. Thus we are modest in dress, word and deed.

ATTITUDE: As P.E.A.R.L.s we must exude a Godly air of confidence. This confidence must pour forth from every inch of your being and must be highlighted in godly purity and holiness. As the Bible says; But just as He who called you is holy, so be holy in all you do; for it is written: "Be holy, because I am holy." 1 Peter 1:15-16 NIV. This attitude isn’t one of smugness or of a ‘holier than thou-ness’ of feeling better than others. No we are to exude an air of His holiness, As if He was and is the very air that we breathe the very life source of our being. Our attitude is that we are servants … servants of God and of each other. Following the very example of Jesus:

‘He riseth from supper, and laid aside his garments; and took a towel, and girded himself. After that he poureth water into a basin, and began to wash the disciples' feet, and to wipe them with the towel wherewith he was girded . . . So after he had washed their feet, and had taken his garments, and was set down again, he said unto them, Know ye what I have done to you? Ye call me Master and Lord: and ye say well; for so I am. If I then, your Lord and Master, have washed your feet; ye also ought to wash one another's feet. For I have given you an example, that ye should do as I have done to you. Verily, verily, I say unto you, the servant is not greater than his lord; neither he that is sent greater than he that sent him. If ye know these things, happy are ye if ye do them.’ John 13: 4, 5, 12-17 KJV.

So as P.E.A.R.L.s we are to be modest [in word, deed and apparel], confident, holy, servants of the living God, Jesus. We are to be His examples in this world all of our days, ministering to the needs of those in our families, church bodies and communities in the various jobs and duties He has placed us in. God has placed a calling on each one of us; He has given us each a job to do within the body of Christ. This job may be in the church as teachers, youth ministers, etc or in our communities as civic leaders, teachers, typists, medical positions or whatever field you are currently working. Every job – every position – is a ministry to Jesus; a calling to His service and you, and as P.E.A.R.L.s, should be His willing and obedient servant wherever He has called you to be. Not every missionary is called to a foreign field, in fact most of us are called minister for Jesus right in the cities and towns where we live and work every day. Just like the old saying, ‘grow where you are planted!’ This is exactly what Jesus has called us as P.E.A.R.L.s to do; line upon line, precept upon precept; as is stated in Isaiah 28:13

Let’s grow together in Jesus in our journey of Chosen Singleness!