I don’t look at being single as a “gift.” But I do feel that it can be a time of learning to trust Jesus in more and different ways. Developing such a close bond with Him that we are willing to do all that He may ask of us. It is an opportunity to truly “fall head over heels” in Love with our Savior and Lord. This is our first step on this journey we are about to take.
This is a necessary time of growth before we will be ready for the life long mate God has prepared for us. So let’s make valuable use of this time to learn all that we can and become as much like Jesus as He is calling us to be.
This will also be a time of healing from the pain and damage done to our emotions and spirit in our past relationships so that we will be prepared for the relationship of a lifetime. That relationship with Jesus first and foremost and then with the spouse He has chosen for us to share the rest of our lives.
So where do we begin this journey? Let’s start by taking inventory of the hurts and pain we are carrying in our hearts and minds. We need to know where we are before we can start this, or any, journey. I feel that you should have a notebook with you as we travel through this time together so that you can make a record of how far we have progressed along this new path. It will be a valuable asset for assessing what things we need to change in our lives, what we can build on and what we need to add. And a way to record the progress made along the way. It will also be important to be able to share these milestones with your spiritual mentor. And believe me you will want to do this at various times throughout our journey.
Taking inventory is a personal matter that you should keep in a journal; this is so that you can reflect on the growth as we travel through this time of healing. It will also be wise to share your journal with your spiritual mentor from time to time as God leads. This should be a mature, motherly figure that you trust completely with your deepest emotional, spiritual and physical needs. Someone who has a Christian marriage that has stood the tests of time and endured. It is not the time to have your best girlfriend as your confident. As you take this inventory take time to look over the relationships of your past and take stock of the hurts you have caused, and the hurts you have suffered. A time to seek forgiveness from God and those who have been wronged for the hurts you have caused. This is also a time to give forgiveness to those who have caused you pain, in person if possible or by letter if they don’t live close by. If you were publicly wronged, it should be a public forgiveness; if private then a private meeting is the way to go. If they have passed on you can also write a letter and seal it in an envelope or burn it afterwards as a sacrifice to God instead of to them personally. This will enable the forgiveness to be released within you.
Jesus said in Mark 11:25, 26 that if we have ought (lit. nothing; this means if we think there may be something between us and a brother or sister) We all need to walk through this time of reviewing the hurts in our lives. It is a time of healing for us. A time of learning to trust Jesus to mend those painful wounds in our lives and in the lives of those we have hurt.
For the first two and a half years after I became single again, I was so wounded from my past relationships that I didn’t think I would ever, and I meant EVER want to be in a relationship with a man again, let alone get married. “Marriage”, to me, had become a “four-letter-word.” But after finding out what true relationship is all about, and lots of counseling, I have decided that if this is God’s plan for me, I would like to try it again, His way this time. And in that respect I would be doing it right.
In this time of healing and waiting upon the Lord, God wants to draw us closer into our relationship with Him. Into deeper truths and show us the life, the true calling He has placed on our lives. I am reminded of what Aslan kept saying at the end of C. S. Lewis’s book, “The Last Battle”, “Further in and Higher up.” But we must find freedom from the bondage of our hurts and the pain of unforgiveness before we can loose ourselves in the total oneness with Jesus that He is calling us to.
If you are new to the path of forgiveness, no worries, God is able to instruct you in the right ways to seek the forgiveness of others and to give forgiveness to those whom you have wronged. When I was learning to be forgiving and to accept forgiveness, I spent time in concentrated prayer for those I had wronged and those who I felt had wronged me. Sometimes I would fast, other times I would not.
I also made time often with my spiritual mentor so that we could work through all of the emotions I went through as a result of learning how to walk the pathway of forgiveness. It was very complex, so again I encourage you again to have a spiritual mentor available to assist you in this new area of learning. They should be someone you can trust implicitly with any secret, for by the end of your healing you should have no secrets between you in the area of your past relationships. Also, as they will be privy to these former secrets, they should be of the same gender and more spiritually mature woman as Titus 2:3-5, NIV, describes; "Likewise, teach the older women to be reverent in the way they live, not slanderers or addicted to much wine (or other substances), but to teach what is good. They can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God."
Both my mentor and I kept notes (journals) of the things I was learning and my progress along the path. I recorded feelings, insights, songs of praise and scripture verses that were helpful during this journey. They are reminders of my learning process and fill me with renewed joy as I review them, as I am sure your journal entries will be to you. You may want to share the entries you have recorded in this volume with her, or have a separate journal to record those things you specifically choose to share. And later in your walk, if someone is traveling the pathway that you have trod you may want to share your journey with her. She will be comforted to know someone else that has walked this path before her and survived.
When we have completed taking this inventory and are beginning to walk the path of forgiveness, I will introduce you to a new realm of purity for Ladies who are longing to follow Jesus into the Heights. Choose a wise older woman who is more mature in her Christian walk from among your Family or Church to help you as your spiritual mentor. Think about where you are in your walk with Jesus and ask Him to help you with recognizing the elements of your inventory. Pick up a Journal or any type of notebook and prayerfully record your thoughts, emotions, hurt, anger, and pain from those relationships of your past. Use your Bible and a concordance to jot down verses on forgiveness to meditate on and memorize, if given the desire; here are a few to get you started:
Matt 6:12-15 "And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil: For Thine is the Kingdom, and the power and the glory, forever. Amen. For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you: But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses."
Nehemiah 9:17b "But Thou art a God ready to pardon (forgive), gracious and merciful, slow to anger, and of great kindness, and forsook them not."
Psalms 25:10, 11 NIV "All the ways of the Lord are loving and faithful for those who keep the demands of His covenant. For the sake of Your name, O Lord, forgive my iniquity, though it is great."
May you be blessed as we journey together.
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